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God is a very selfish being. When the Bible said that He created us, resemblance Him-self, the only spite image that I can describe about ourselves as “HUMAN”, no matter what names you owned, is “EGO”.

God has cursed us with it, though I believe our ego is not even near to comparison to His as He is the almighty in everything, and He also gave us the tool which is our brain. Evil used these so greatly, he understands how it works more than any other creatures God created.

In the beginning, as it was recorded in the good book was the start. So, what about the very beginning, we all have the thought, we all asked this question. But how far can you dwell in this endless curiosity, or do you even dare to keep on searching for the answer. Some of you were simply deny the existence of God and Evil for you did not see it fit and no answer has ever come to your satisfaction. Some of you were afraid that you would lose your faith if you go further and follow the mysteries. Well, I want to share something, hopefully would answer some and present you with some truth. You might also became like me, whether you forgive Him or not, and you might also pity the Devil.

Loneliness is a bitter, bitter thing, we know that. Such misfortune shall not befall to any of us, and He said that Him-self when He created the first human. Before the beginning, God was alone. As for how he came into being, no one could ever answer that, for that is his last great secret that I doubt He will ever share. Maybe when you meet Him then He will tell you. He wouldn’t give the answer to those who deny him and this is the very point, mark this. How many people on earth are truly, and truly believe that he existed. The answer is to your-self alone, none of anybody else’s business. Ask that to your-self, leave the thought of wanting to believe it just to be good or as a runaway problems. Not your mind to mislead you, not the so called feeling also. Just answer that.

For me, I know he’s out here and around us. He is the most in anything, you name it as long as it sounds good. He created his first, the angel that had fallen afterward. He knew that, he knew that thorns will come out of the angels head before he created him. Then why He still did it, just like He created the first and second human being, He knew that the fruit will be eaten. Well, He could just create anything that do whatever He bid, a creature that will never disobey Him, creatures even, that bond to all His rules, like us creating robots and machines, but His creation could be perfect and un-destructible. Isn’t it our dreams to create the most sophisticated A.I, just like in the Hollywood movies, because once we reached the point of creating computers and robots, it must feel a little pointless and you’ll want more. They can do anything as far as your programs, but never sing to their delight. The source will be from your power and control. What point will that make but the proud and joy of something new, but not different.

Let me make this easier to understand before I finish this. “Heaven” and “Hell”, “Good” and “Evil”, one can’t be without the other, no excuse because that would be totally stupid and meaningless. You are pretty and handsome, clever and kind and the good thing about that only happens because there are ugly and stupid and bad people out there. So if you make it to Heaven, you must treasure that and feel special because I’m in hell with many others. Now, do you see little of what I’m trying to say?

This is not a game, not to anyone especially not to Him. Maybe he did create a heaven full of his love, but then again, that must be meaningless. He must wanted souls that chose to be with Him, that chose to love Him. And so it happens, His first angel, His master plan, His first victim. It has to be done for there was no other way.

Evil, on the other side, wanted to be like Him at the same level. But now, is to replace Him which is impossible, he must knew that all the way so he will always harvest more and more soul for himself just as tribute and also represent the anger and vengeance. Evil will draw as much blood and sadness and bitterness resolving the betrayal on the both sides between God and Evil.

Though He never created Evil, yet here they are and what they are. Why must it come to this, why must it be like this. People talked often about God and religions like they know everything there is to know about Him. Like they are the witness to his Existence, they preach and flip your mind to make you believe.

They brought images and facts that make you dreamed and imagined something Holly and in the same time, they scare you to death until you surrender to the idea. Everything was so simple and secure in the name of their tricks. Is really easy doing that, just aim to the desperate people, people who hoped and stuck with their daily problems, with promises and solutions. Well there maybe promises but I myself find it full of treachery. This was all His doing, we swam in it and suffer, yet all He do is making us begged and suffer still. Did he help you all this time, did God come to you in person. No, he already did that once and that was it. Jesus, as he named his son, himself.

What ever happen in this world is nothing of His doing but ours, with Him as the starter. The earth dying, we happy and sad, crimes and caress and love and hatred is all ours. We are in the circle of sin and goodness. Life is so complicated, as we share different ego and intelligence and situations. Our senses are our most valuable and also our most weaknesses, they are the doors that fulfill and urge our ego. Our actions always based on these, and will never change.

Nevertheless, today is today, what is what is. Through suffering and happiness we paced our path all this time. You live, socialize, living with your family and still never satisfied in many things. Only all these will short out who will be with Him or fall to the doomest place. It is not this simple, I can’t explain it all about many other thing ssurround us, but whatever it is, He paid and He is paying still ,the greatest prize beyond our reckoning. And His sadness can’t be measure.

Like a father with so many children but to find the real sons and daughters is to let them be. Some child will deny him, some acknowledge him, some have no idea about him, some still in search. He will see the children hurt each other, share the love, kill each other or dominate one another. They are his children but not always the meaning that he is their father. He is all about emotional being, His rage will make the word “Scary” isn’t just enough. His love is always in the right place.

With all this writing I will suffer, I will be punished with the lowest and nastiest way could be. If what I wrote here is the real thing, then that is the purpose of our live, that is our choice to choose. I don’t like this idea myself, but if there are any other explanations, then do share it!

What done is done, the key is to believe in Him and nothing more if you want to make your way towards Him. But what about the others, do we deserve to suffer so you become special. God has drowned himself to this option and cruelly taking the hit by hit of our total sadness as what happen in our live will always reflect to him. Our sadness is His, and our Happiness also His. Accumulate all that and you do the math, that is the price He must pay!

Alone

What do we all have in common? The answer is of course ... 'many things, in many ways!' And there are just a few things for an answer if I reverse the question. But hey ... do you know the most miserable thing or I should say, situation that happen to us? My answer to that is 'Loneliness'

Well if you think you're one lonely person, because you got no boy or girlfriend ... you are left by your husband or wife by death or divorce, then maybe you're just forgetting your family and friends. But note this, even if you got none of the things I mentioned above, you're not alone. And I'm not talking about god, which a priest will tell you that whenever you're depress’ and complains too much about being lonely.

I know a man for a long time but nothing like the 'I know him close and personal'. From him I realized something. Not many people are really like him, not many of us are lonely as he is one loneliest man I think I ever know.

Loneliness only happens when you "BELIEVE" that you got nothing in this world. When family doesn't matter to you, when your close and love one left you, it consumed your soul to the end of your life. But there is another one ... to claim that you are lonely, you must like this.....

if you are born with a disability to trust or believe in others, in this way it always means that you are always thinking the same way about others ... means they don't trust you and that all of their actions or kindness to you is just an act, all you do is purely for your own profits and you're the only centre of your life... then…

Ladies and gentlemen, congratulation for you are indeed one lonely person. The loneliest of ... not that much on earth.

Even falling in love won't help you! Because … if he or she accept you as their mate then that's the dooms day for them. Later on you're just going to keeps sniffing on, fear to regret of cheating or stealing your possessions or else.

Go ask the wise my friend, for the solution. Personally, I think you just live with that, it is not that you do realize that you are lonely, or maybe you don’t even care. And for the people who really care for you, I pity them.

See, you’re not alone. It only happens when you think you are, or when you don’t realize. Amen to that!

'The reason God created women is so men can produce more happy people than the lonely people'

Earnest

It can cost you millions or even billions of your good money (maybe even your wife) in the trial to find one you can trust ... but in the same time, you might find that one's true self is beyond measure and priceless to either you and itself!

I am back!

Manusia berkarya, tiada henti memukau dan memaksa kita menyaluti. Dimana ada saatnya gue melihat karya tulis yang memacu tatapan disetiap rangkaian kata, begitu baik dan nyata, hal-hal yang belum pernah terpikirkan dan hal-hal yang membuka otak … eh … pikiran, dan pernyataan serta pengakuan ironis dunia kita. Syair, bait dan pusisi yang sulit dipahamipun terasa sentimental walau membingungkan. Dimana gue selama ini, kalau orang-orang hebat seperti ini berkeliaran atau mungkin gue yang tidak menyadari. Bakat dari setiap insan tidak selalu terlihat namun pada saat mereka berbicara, pada saat mereka berbuat, disanalah nilai diri terlihat dan ternilai, baik dan buruk.

Dalam kesendirian, gue yakin seringkali kita mendapatkan suatu yang baru, lahir dari dalam benak, khayalan liar dimana kita menjadi seorang yang hebat, yang dikagumi dan menjadi pusat perhatian. Dan ada saatnya pikiran terjerat, berputar pada sesuatu yang kita butuhkan, yang kita inginkan. Sadarkah kita akan arti semua itu, sadarkah kita itu semua mungkin tiada artinya.

Era dunia global, dunia komunikasi berkembang sangat tidak masuk akal melihat cepatnya dan hebatnya tehnologi. Publikasi menjadi alat terkuat untuk mendapatkan keuntungan, selebriti hidup dalam sorotan publik yang gue ga habis pikir dimana sisa prifasi mereka dapat mempertahankan kewarasan mereka. Citra diri adalah segalanya, senyuman palsu dan tipu daya dalam ucapan, persaingan yang membuat apapun halal, apapun akan dilakukan walau tragedi harus terjadi.

Musuh dan teman ada dimanapun kita berada. Tindakan kita selalu bergema, selalu melahirkan rasa. Jika pernah merasakan kepedihan, saat hati bagaikan gravitasi yang sangat kuat, menarik seluruh dunia kita menjadi satuan yang sangat kecil, terpusat dalam detak gelora kebencian atau kesedihan, itulah kutukan terhebat yang dimantrakan musuh, dan juga merupakan kutukan terhebat terhadap musuh kita.

Mulutmu adalah harimaumu, fitnah lebih kejam daripada pembunuhan, maka terpujilah dan terberkatilah mereka yang bisu tuli. Kita manusia memanjatkan doa dan harapan, disetiap saat kita bersyukur, saat kita membutuhkan, hilang kendali dan harapan. Keyakinanmu bukanlah jalan hidupmu melainkan jalan hidupmu adalah keyakinanmu. Prinsip dan tekad bukanlah langkah-langkahmu melainkan langkahmulah yang menjadi prinsip dan tekadmu.

Ide dan filosofi kita tangkap dan renungkan, bukanlah milikmu melainkan milik sipenulis atau dia yang berucap. Yang bisa kita lakukan dari semua itu hanyalah meniru dan mennyamakan diri kita dalam keyakinan penuh. Inginnya kita menjadi bijak, baik hati dan terpuji, ingatlah itu karena kita tidaklah demikian.

Kalimat “jadilah dirimu sendiri” terasa janggal dan aneh buat gue karena apapun yang kita lakukan, itulah kita. Meskipun dalam tindakan meniru orang lain, model rambut dan pakaian, operasi wajah atau apapun bentuk lainnya kita menyangkal keutuhan diri kita adalah jati diri kita. Itulah kita, itulah kamu, itulah dia…

past

I don’t remember since when, but I always wake up late… in fact, so late. I hate to wake up early, so when people saw me in the morning means either I’m catching up a plane or I haven’t sleep at all. My mom usually tried to wake me up early, almost everyday. And my dad, I just remember a few times he knocked on my door.

If you are like me, then you’ll know! When someone yell you up, again and again while your eyes still tight, you’ll be going on some tough and bad day, guarantied! Today, in the morning my mom called on me as usual and it was bad for me. Like I can feel her temper and somehow… a feeling like she’s sorry for what I am. Well you can’t understand what I mean completely that’s for sure, but it’s not a good thing.

Long ago, my mom tried to do an abortion on me, I know that and it’s not a big deal I say, or more likely I don’t know how I feel about it. Yet I think that maybe sometimes she felt sorry that she didn’t pull it off and get me over with. Even I sometimes do regret that she canceled the process. I don’t know why they didn’t want me, never find out the reason.

When mom told me about this abortion stuff, which I already know a while before as my lovely sister told me before hand, mom said she’s sorry… well deeply of course, no doubt and she mentioned that she was relieved that I was born normal with arms, legs and all because she did took the pills but later on she took many other good pills to match the killer pills. Momma so happy for I am not physical defected.

But you know what? Maybe I am a crippled. I never get anything done, nothing good worth telling that I achieve or finished. It’s because dear mom spoiled me way too much which in this case, my brothers and sister envy me for that. Ouch… great deal, like I wanted that. The same night my mom told the story, she added that because of her huge regret, I became her number one child.

So you can’t blame me if I say my mother did all she can to walk through among her children with me in the center, just to pay over the redemption. She did come clean by telling me the truth, but maybe I should wish that I never know. Well I don’t hate my mom for all these so never judge her and you have no right to blame or hate her!

“There are secrets worth telling, and else you should bring along to your grave”

pain

There was a time a friend shared her story about her life and her family. All bad impression of her family she plainly speak out but the part that got in to me was the part where she would sat alone on the balcony, in the middle of the night, crying. Though she'd never tell the reason why, but when you hear it, you'll simply know, some might simply understand.

When a grown up were brought down, down our knees, you find you hugging yourself rubbing your arms or lying alone shriveling like dry shrimp, it's the moments I believe we all had at least once! Do you remember the feeling? Do you remember the sensations in your chest and your tears are not shamelessly but beautifully streaming down?

That was the time when comfort was most likely impossible to find, when words will never talk you down and the tragic news is, when the pain and sadness got overwhelming, to kill yourself will be a smiling option. Moreover, the reason which led us to it could be anything. Death, betrayal, love, maybe even pride and etc. Then in the same time, a new born of hatred, grudge, wisdom or any form of other sentimental stuff will come.

Just say this I wrote is one example of scenario, one side of the drama in our world. There are a lot more of it just because we lack of certain important things. One thing I want to put down and that is “Trust”. Trust, faith, believe are the strong words and always easily draw your interest unless you tried your best to avoid it!

Trust and trustworthy, if only … if we can fill this world with it then how amazing, how easy everything will be? It is so important and so tasty I say when one can do and receive both. Though it has been said… Health is most valuable in life … but with this, I challenge you to think again. Think deep! What is the meaning for you are healthy and wealthy, while trust you have none and none trust you.

Yeah of course you can say healthy inside and healthy outside and that would piss me off! Anyway, in the name of trust you’ll be happy, you’ll be loved and most of all, you can also get hurt! ^^

‘It’s almost impossible to find someone you can trust, but even more impossible for you to find the guts.’

Heir of Vlad

The dead leaves tickled the earth, swoop by the strong wind. A very cold and spooky night at the mass graveyard. Of all stones around, there were three particular tombs.

And suddenly, the three tombs trembled like an earthquake happening but also they stopped so suddenly. Three silhouette as dark as shadows jumped out magically followed by the eerie and cold laughter.

'How're you hangin' there cousin Zeky?' asked the vampire named Valentine. He is the handsomest among them but when he speak, he sounded ridiculous.

'I'm afraid that is my line cousin Valentine!' answered Zeky while he slapped off the dust of his sleeves.

But among them, the one who stood further way than the others was the scariest and meanest. 'Shut your fucking mouth you two!' Sutekno commanded, 'let us start this already!' he turned and faced the other two.

Sutekno is the overseas vampire, from Java he came all around. And not to mention that his childhood experience made him a homo.

'Now who'll go first?' he asked.

'I'll go, I'm dead thirsty!' Zeky came in, rubbing his yellow fangs. 'Here I go!'

He jumped high, with one powerful push he sped away leaving his fellow vampires.

About twenty minutes later, Zeky came back. His mouth covered in dark fresh blood and he smiled all the way. 'Seventeen, three virgins, four boys and a baby!' he said very proudly, 'north village over there, yummy!' he ended, pointed the direction he meant.

'Don't get too comfortable, it's my turn now!' said Sutekno. He jumped and moved faster then Zeky and to east he went. Took him twenty minutes forth and back, with delightful face he bragged.

'Twenty seven,' he said, 'all youngster, and got myself a very handsome... young boy!' he finished with eyes closed longingly. Zeky and Valentine looked at him in disgust.

'Oh... not again you maniac! Stay away from me!' Zeky said.

'Poor boy ... poor boy!' Valentine said, eyeing Sutekno's crotch. The zipper still undone. 'And now ... gentlemen, beware for my action will not be slightly taken!'

Valentine took his stand and he jumped, far and the fastest yet he moved, in a flash he'd gone. The other two were surprised with his move.

But only took him five minutes to come back again, standing drunkenly in front of the trembling Zeki and Sutekno. His appearance was undeniably fantastic. Like just having a blood bath, Valentine's face were covered in dark red, down to his shirt and all.

Having a hard time with open mouthed, in awe Zeky finally spoken. 'Just how many you get cousin Valentine? In that short of time you even beat uncle Vlad's record!'

When Valentine open his mouth whom about to speak, his missing teeth even more surprising. 'My fellow cousins ... do ... do you see,' he paused, speaking like a person in pain, 'do you see that pole over there?' he asked.

Zeky roofed his eyes, looking down the direction Valentine pointed. 'You mean that one with the light went out?'

'And what about it?' Sutekno said in anger, clearly having some unsatisfied feeling. 'Of course we see it, do you think we're blind, dumb ass?'

'Well...' Valentine took a deep breath. 'I didn't!' he dropped his head while saying it.